drunk

im drunk. i ran into that guy who saw me when i had my bad trip. he was all hi and he gave me a hug but we usually ignore each other. anyway i told him how awkward i feel whenever i see him and he was like its cool. but i know better i know its really not cool and im just a freak and stuff. i hate being drunk. i hate it. i dont know why im drunk. i guess because i wanted to hook up with someone. i havent made out with a boy in like months. ever since m did what he did i hate him ill never be able to trust a boy again all boys care about is sex and their dicks. i feel so lonely and i wish i had someone to cuddle with someone who would u know tell me hey its all cool laura ur beautiful and shit even though u look like ur 13. like that shit doesnt matter to me laura i think ur a really cool girl anyway. i ran into a fellow drunk guy who informed me that he liked my poetry. i said hey thanks man. my poetry fucking sucks. i love poetry but im no fucking poet. my writing is absolute shit. i wish i had someone to hold hands with. someone who would run his fingers through my hair and tell me hey laura. hey you, youre so special and beautiful and shit i wish i had words to describe precisely what u mean to me. je t'adore. i love u. im so glad we found each other laura. im so glad i found you i dont know where i would be without u. ive never felt joy like this before. this is a new sensation, and if u ever leave me ill be utterly bereft, fucking broken glass in a gutter. im glass in a gutter without u my love. im sewage and shit. lets have a picnic. lets fucking sit in the bright green grass and not care that the ants are crawling all over our shit because we have each other and thats so important. its so important and junk. laura my love. darling...darling....darling.

i wish someone would FUCKING call me darling already. amd mean it. someone who loves me.